You're So Stupid
by penguins and snails
Summary: Their friendship was definitely an odd one. A bunch of drabbles surrounding Zim and Dib's weird friendship. NO ROMANCE. ZADF. Ten drabbles per chapter! UPDATED!
1. 1 through 10

**You're so Stupid**

* * *

**1. Movie**

"Why don't those humans realize that there's an alien ship RIGHT THERE!"

_Two minutes later..._

"Why aren't they running? The stupid worm pigs! Can they not SEE?"

_One more minuet later.._.

Zim leaned in closer. "What's going to happen next?" He let out a gasp, "What is she saying? Why is the alien ship not shooting at them?"

Dib let out a sigh, "Do you ever NOT talk during a movie?"

No answer.

"I'll take that as a definite _'HELL NO'_..."

* * *

**2. Sunburn**

"...Don't laugh..."

Zim tried to comply, cupping a hand over his mouth to keep from bursting out laughing. "...W-what happened to you?"

There was a sigh. "I slept out in the sun all day, and being a pretty fly white guy such as myself, that's not good..."

"I can't tell if you're pissed off, or really embarrassed," Zim chuckled.

"...The sun burnt my whole face... Figure it out for yourself..."

* * *

**3. Dancing (NOT IN A ZADR WAY)**

"Oh Irk, please don't dance like that," Zim begged, shaking his head.

Dib stopped dancing, turning to the alien behind him. "Why not? What's wrong with my dancing?"

"...Dib-human, you dance like a human female."

Dib only glared at him.

"I'm gonna start calling you Diberella," the Irken giggled gleefully.

"No, you're not..."

"Does the shoe fit, Diberella?"

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

**4. Piñata**

"Just swing the bat around!"

"If you say so!" The blind-folded Irken said, swinging the bat around wildly, forgetting to actually try and hit the colorful cardboard donkey hanging from the tree branch above him.

Dib screamed, trying to avoid being hit by the bat. "AH! ZIM, STOP!"

In response, he got hit in the head with the bat. Exactly what he was trying to avoid.

"I THINK I HIT THE DONKEY!" Zim shouted triumphantly, raising the bat up. He removed the blindfold, only to find Dib lying on the ground before him.

"No," Dib moaned, in a daze, "That was my head..."

* * *

**5. Compliment**

"No, Zim."

"Pleeeease?"

"For the last time: NO!" Dib went back to doing his homework. "I'm not letting you copy off me. AGAIN. You need to start doing your own homework."

"Aw, but Dib-human, my head isn't nearly as large as yours! If your head is that big, that must mean your brain is big!"

Dib turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

"Trust me, that was a compliment."

* * *

**6. Game**

"YES!" Zim threw down the controller, doing a little victory dance. "TASTE THE DEFEAT AT THE ZIM HANDS OF ZIIIIIIM!"

Dib only stared at him with a blank expression on his face. "Yeah, you beat me at level one in a video game. Hoo-friggin'-rah."

* * *

**7. Helmet**

"This is serious, Zim! I can't get the helmet off!"

Zim only continued rolling on the floor, laughing hysterically. "I-it's because your head is so huge..." he managed to stutter out between laughs. "You could quality as a superhero with that head! Head man: Da-da-da-daaaa!"

"...Shut up, Zim."

* * *

**8. Football**

"Zim, you're supposed to hike the ball!"

From where Zim was on the field, he couldn't clearly hear Dib exactly. "Hike?" He called out, confused, "Who's hike? Do you mean Mike?"

"No, HIKE!"

"BIKE?"

"HIKE!"

"MIKE HAS A BIKE?"

"No stupid, HIKE! HIKE THE BALL!"

A whistle was blown. Suddenly, a large football player slammed into Zim, knocking him into the ground.

Dib cringed at the sight, turning away. "...Never mind!"

* * *

**9. Roller Coaster**

"I'm gonna die!" Zim shrieked, clinging to the teen human boy beside him. "I don't feel so good! I think I'm gonna be sick! WHAT'S GOING ON?"

"...We haven't even reached the drop off yet, Zim," Dib answered plainly.

"...Oh."

* * *

**10. Marshmallow**

"ZIM!"

"What?"

"Your marshmallow is on fire!"

Zim glanced at the tip of the stick he held in his hand, noticing the marshmallow was in fact up in flames. "Isn't that the point, Dib-human?"

"...You're so stupid..."

"...Am I, Dib?" Zim questioned. "Am I really stupid? Or am I just a genius glorifying my marshmallow in the flames of PRIDE?"

There was a pause. "No, you're defiantly stupid."

* * *

**A/N: I'm feeling a little better, so I decided to practice on mah humor.**

**Anyway, First ten! :D I don't know how many more I'll make... Ten drabbles per chapter... I might make fifty drabbles in all, five chapters basically. This is ZADF NOT ZADR.**

**Let me know what you think! Please review!**


	2. 11 through 20

**Part 2**

* * *

**11. Earthquake**

"Zim?" Dib peered under the table. "You can come out now."

"NO!" came the terrified response of the disguised Irken, who was hiding under the table.

"Zim, the earthquake ended an hour ago..."

"BUT IT WAS HORRIBLE!" Zim began rocking back and fourth, hugging his knees to his chest. "A planet should NEVER move like that! I thought the world was ending, Dib! ENDING!"

"...It was barely a 3.0... Geez, get a grip you wuss."

* * *

**12. Spell-check**

"Zim, you really need to learn how to spell better."

"Zim spells just fine!"

"Well, apparently not," Dib argued, holding Zim's essay for their English class up closer toward his face to get a better look, "Because for one, you use the wrong words in the wrong context, like when you were talking about someone, the word _'their'_, you put _'there'_. And when you were using past tense with the word _'then'_, like _'back then'_, you put _'back than'_. And you misspelled _'friend'_ and put _'freind'_, and you constantly forget your periods at the end of your sentences and put commas in places where they shouldn't go. Also you need to put a questions mark when asking a question. And another thing-"

Zim snatched his essay away from Dib. "Stop treating me like a child!"

Dib scoffed, "Well you sure as hell spell like one!"

* * *

**13. Embarrassment**

"You know what's funny, is that he has no idea he's that much of a moron," Zim rambled on as he and Dib walked down the hall, "The sad, pathetic worm-pig. Even worse is that his sister was saying the EXACT same thing and copying him! HAS SHE THE BRAIN WORMS?"

Dib paused, glancing down at a... rather unpleasant and embarrassing sight. "Umm, Zim..."

"...Then the teacher literally began rambling on about the whole thing to their parental-units, and I swear-"

A few kids noticed the sight and began laughing, though Zim ignored them, while Dib still tried to grab his attention. "Uhh, ZIM..."

"...They got in SERIOUS trouble, though I don't have any pity for them-"

"ZIM!"

"What?" Zim whined, stomping his foot down. "Weren't you listening to anything I just said?"

"Unfortunately yes," Dib admitted. "But that's not the point!"

"Well then, what's the problem?"

Dib gulped nervously. "Look down..."

"Eh?" Zim was confused, but slowly glanced down anyway. "Why do I have to...?" he trailed off as he caught sight of what everyone was now looking at and laughing at. His pants... had fallen down, revealing his choice of boxers that had little piggies on them. Zim's eyes widened, his cheeks burning. "_HOLY-_"

"Interesting choice of boxers," Dib couldn't help but say.

"They were a Christmas gift from Gir!" Zim stated, quickly reaching down and pulling his pants back up. But the damage was done.

"For Christmas, ask Gir to get me a pair!" Dib giggled gleefully.

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

**14. Gross**

"Oh man, this hamburger is GOOD!"

"Have you heard about that pink slime the humans of your planet put into your meat?" Zim asked, shaking his head. "I heard they put it back on the market. I saw the cafeteria lunch-drone bring in a whole load of it this morning!" He let out a sigh of relief, "I'm glad I don't eat that dookie."

Dib promptly stopped eating, putting his burger down back on the lunch tray and pushing it away from him. "Thanks for ruining lunch... AGAIN."

* * *

**15. Rough**

"Why did you just shove me?"

"Zim, it was a playful shove!" Dib explained, "Friends do it all the time!"

"...Oh..." Zim understood now. He nodded once. "Well, in that case-" He gave Dib a hard shove, causing the teenage human to go flying backwards. "I HOPE THAT WAS FRIENDLY ENOUGH FOR YOU!"

* * *

**16. Generous**

"Ugh, why do I even buy this dookie?" Zim sighed, poking at the food on the lunch tray before him with a fork.

"You know, if you're just going to poke at your lunch, you might as well give it to me."

_SPLAT!_

Zim smirked. "Enjoy your lunch, Dib."

* * *

**17. Names**

_"DICK-HEAD!"_

_"ASSHOLE!"_

_"FUCK-FACE!"_

_"PRICK!"_

_"SHITHEAD!"_

_"DOUCHEBAG!"_

_"FUCKER!"_

_"MOTHER FUCKER!"_

_"BIG HEAD!"_

Dib couldn't help but smile in amusement at the disguised alien before him. "Ahhh... Touché, my friend."

* * *

**18. Label**

"I'll see you at Skool tomorrow!" Dib called out, waving a goodbye to Zim.

Zim innocently waved back, but as Dib turned around and began to walk away, he stifled a giggle fit. A large piece of paper was taped to the back of Dib's rather large cranium, which read _'Kick me my head is big'_.

The alien let out an evil chuckle, "Poor, innocent Dib-worm... How fun it is to mess with his poor, gigantic head which seems to grow bigger every day. One day it'll have it's own moon..."

* * *

**19. Disagreement**

"You know, Dib-human, have you ever thought about seeing a human doctor about that disturbingly large head of your's?"

Dib only glared at him. "No, because my head is not big."

"It looks like it's growing everyday..."

"Shut your face, Zim!"

"...I could land my Voot Cruiser on that head of your's..."

"SHUT UP!"

Zim stood up from his chair. "All those in favor of agreement that Dib's head is in FACT horrifyingly large, say _AYE!_"

Everyone in the cafeteria rose their hands into the air. "_AYE!_" they all responded.

"I hate you SO much right now, Zim..."

Zim only smiled, sitting back down in his chair. "You'll thank me later once you get that head of your's reduced to a normal size."

* * *

**20. Reassurance **

"Zim, are you sure this is safe?"

The Irken only waved the teenager off. "Of course it's safe! I did all the repairs myself!"

There was a long pause. "That doesn't reassure me... at _all._"

* * *

**A/N: part 2! :) Not much to say again. XD oh well. Just read and please review if you do like this story! Which was your fav, and give me a random word if you'd like for the next chapter! Who knows? I might use it. ;)**


	3. 21 through 30

**Part 3**

* * *

**21. Swim**

"I can't do it!"

"Yes you can!"

Zim only shook his head like a stubborn child. "No!"

"Look," Dib sighed, "I don't see what the problem is. You covered yourself in glue prior, so you should be fine. Why don't you just walk right in? You don't have to jump in immediately."

"I don't?"

"No." As though Dib were talking to a small, frightened child, he smiled reassuringly at the terrified alien who stared at the clear pool of water with wide eyes. "And if it makes you feel any better-" Dib lifted his hands from behind his back, revealing a yellow floaty with a duck head that he had been holding onto prior. "-I got you this."

* * *

**22. Mispronounce**

"...Stupid dreaded pig breasts..."

It only took one second for Dib to realize what was wrong with Zim's comment. He started giggling.

Startled by the seemingly random response from his human friend, Zim turned his head toward Dib, staring at him with wide eyes. "Why are you laughing? What's so funny?

By now Dib was completely doubled over, clutching his stomach as he went into hysterics, with tears of laughter streaming down his cheeks. "You-You said... You said BREASTS!"

"Uh, no I didn't. I said beasts."

"No!" Dib shook his head, gasping for air as he did so. "You said breasts! I heard you, man! You said breasts instead of beasts!"

Zim only waved him off. "Same thing!"

"Uh, no, there's a BIG difference!" Dib choked out between giggles.

"Then what's so funny about it?" Zim demanded, unaware still of what exactly was the main cause of Dib's outburst. He was sure breast and beast meant the same thing.

"It just sounds so weird hearing you say breasts!" Dib replied, hunched over as he regained his breath. He let out an amused chuckle followed by a sigh, "It sounds so much more pornographic hearing it come out of your mouth."

* * *

**23. Ticket**

"Zim, you're going to cause a scene!"

"I don't care!" The disguised Irken protested, already climbing out of Dib's car. "He didn't even give us a warning about being here!"

"If it's his job to hand out tickets, then so be it!"

"No, because it's not fair to you!" Zim argued back, already heading toward the adult male human strolling away. Dib's ticket was tightly clenched in Zim's gloves hand. He found that with all the problems Dib was currently going through, he found it unfair that his friend now had to pay $250 human dollars simply for stopping somewhere he wasn't supposed to, without no warning at all. The man had snuck up on them with a sly look in his eyes. A parking maid, Zim was told, were somewhat more shady than human police officers in their area. He knew that at least police officers gave a warning instead of just handing out tickets for small offenses that Zim felt weren't even worthy of being felonies. "Hey, stink-pig!"

The man froze, confused by who was calling his name. But when he turned and saw the green kid from the car he had just given a ticket to, the man sighed, annoyed, "Oh, it's you. If you're here for another ticket, then I-"

The next move by Zim was so sudden that the man had no time to react. The ticket in Zim's hand was suddenly shoved deep inside the man's throat.

The man sputtered and gasped by the sudden reaction from Zim. He choked, feeling the paper lodged deep in his throat, frantically reaching his hand in to attempt to pull the crumpled sheet of paper out of his throat.

Zim only smirked, eyes gleaming devilishly. "Next time, think before you dare give my friend a ticket. Got it?"

The man only nodded frantically.

* * *

**24. Twister**

"Right foot blue..."

Groaning, Dib painfully moved his right foot as far out as he could onto the closest blue circle. Already his body was being twisted into a tangled mess. Please, he begged silently, straining to keep his body from falling completely onto the mat. Please don't be...

"Left foot yellow!"

I should have known that was going to happen. Biting his lower lip, Dib barely managed to reach his left foot onto the furthest yellow circle over the other side of the blue circle (his legs now painfully crossed) when he heard a sudden 'crack'. It felt and sounded the same as cracking fingers or necks (which was already a pet peeve for Dib), but the pain was sudden and harsh. And the sharp pain came from a place that Dib was sure he should never hear a 'crack' from.

He let out a startled scream. "MY CROTCH!" he fell to the mat, his hands immediately reaching down. "I THINK I BROKE A PELVIC BONE!"

Zim only began giggling like a mad man.

"CALL 911!" Dib cried out, rolling on the floor. "IM IN SERIOUS PAIN!" he didn't notice Zim doubled over in laughter until the maniacal and hysterical sound was audible for Dib to hear over his agony. "WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?"

Zim didn't respond. Instead he dropped to the floor too, clutching his stomach as he laughed.

It took a minute for Dib to calm himself down, though the area down there still hurt. Breathing hard, he glared at Zim from his place on the floor. "Why do I get the feeling that this whole time you've been cheating by telling me the wrong commands?"

"Because you were to stupid to realize it until now," Zim choked out between laughs.

Dib's head only collapsed onto the living room floor of his house. "Gaz," he called out weakly. "Call 911... I think I broke my crotch!"

* * *

**25. Mad-Lib**

"...You seem like a very evil-"

"...Asshole!"

"...You might be as scary as my-"

A giggle fit erupted, "Butt!"

"...And the-"

"...Stinky human!"

There was a pause. "That's an adjective and a noun, Zim."

"Just continue!"

Dib rolled his eyes. "... Of your's befriended the-"

"Pig-face!"

"...Of my-"

"Farts!" the alien went back into a giggle fit, and Dib joined him.

"...So he went and-"

"-Spanked-"

"-The-"

"-Blue-"

"-Part of her-"

"-Butt-"

"-and ended up without anyway home or anyone to call. So you were able to take her to-"

Zim thought for a moment. Once the name of a somewhat familiar place came to mind, he snapped his fingers. "Planet Blorch!"

"That'll work." Dib gave a shrug, writing down the last part before adding his own. "...the best part of it all was that you were able to..." Dib grinned. "...touch her..." His grin widened. "Boobies!" He threw the paper and pen down. "Yes! We just made our own Mad Lib!" He gave Zim a high five.

Beside the two teenagers, Gaz only rolled her eyes as she continued playing with her Game Slave. "You two need to get laid..."

* * *

**26. Threat**

"...One day, Dib, maybe today or tomorrow, maybe days, weeks, months or even years from now, that monstrous size head of yours will end up having it's own orbit..."

Dib narrowed his eyes. "Zim..."

"...It'll be like a magnet, I'm sure," Zim went on to explain, "sucking in all the planets that surround this giant filth ball of a planet-"

"ZIM-"

"-And even though we'll all die because two planets can't very well share the same space, your head will become the next Earth, sustaining life on that large scalp of yours. Even better: You'll have your OWN atmosphere!"

Dib slammed his fists down onto the lunch table. "DAMN IT ZIM, MY HEAD IS NOT BIG! If I hear ONE more comment about my head, I'll-" he paused, unable to come up with a threat that seemed suitable, "-I'll-" and blinded as much frustration as he was, Dib hastily (without even looking) grabbed the nearest item beside his arm, holding it up so Zim could see, "-STAB YOU IN THE ARM WITH A-" he glanced down briefly, noticing what it was clenched tightly in his hand. "-Spork! I'll hurt you with... this spork!" he shook the food utensil in his hand to emphasis his point.

Zim only stared at him, confused. "A... what?"

"Don't ask..."

* * *

**27. Accident**

Dib and Zim froze at the same time.

"Is it gonna...?"

"...I dunno, it might-"

"-Wait, WAIT-"

"-Shut up, Zim! We might not hear it crash!"

The two boys leaned closer toward the source of the loud screeching coming from outside. A car accident they were sure would happen.

The screeching abruptly stopped.

And they waited.

But nothing happened.

There was a pause between the two.

"DAMN IT!"

* * *

**28. Game**

"Shoot it, Zim!"

"I'm trying!"

"You have horrible aim!" He glanced over, and upon seeing the state of his alien friend, Dib slapped him. "Dude, stop looking away!"

"They're coming at us!" Zim screeched.

"You have horrible aim!"

"I KNOW!" There was a pause. "OH MY GOD, HE'S ON FIRE COMING TO EAT ME! AHHHH! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"

"Look at the screen and shoot!"

"I CAN'T! IT TERRIFIES ME!" Zim threw the game console at the wall, getting up from his spot on the couch. "I DON'T LIKE THIS GAME! I'M LEAVING!" With that said, the terrified alien promptly ran out of the living room, leaving an annoyed Dib shaking his head as he continued playing the video game before him.

"What a pussy."

* * *

**29. Team**

"Zim? What the hell?"

"What's the problem?"

"I'M the one who gave you half the information on this report," Dib explained, crossing his arms over his chest in annoyance. "I think I deserve some credit."

"And I did," Zim answered calmly. He smiled. "On page thirty-eight, paragraph seventy-one, sentence three-hundred-nine, I mentioned that my inspiration came from a boy with a big head."

Dib glared at him.

"Trust me, everyone will know it's you."

"I hate you."

"It's called teamwork, Dib. Goggle it."

"You mean _GOOGLE_ it, dumbass."

"Whatever..."

* * *

**30. Assistance**

"...Dib, do you know how to work on a computer?"

"...You're calling me at three in the morning about a COMPUTER?" Dib sat up in his bed, rubbing at his tired eyes. "Don't you have like an Irken computer or something? Why are you using a human computer?"

"I've been curious about this YouTuuuube thing everyone is talking about," Zim explained.

"I see."

Pause.

"...So do you know anything about computers?" Zim repeated after a moment.

"Obviously." Dib paused, remembering something that came in contrast with what Zim just asked him... Again. He slowly grinned, then started giggling after a minute.

"Dib? Why are you laughing?"

"You sounded like a girl asking me about computers," Dib giggled.

Another pause. "What does me asking you about computers have to do with me sounding like an Earth female?"

"Have you seen _'Shit Girls Say'_?"

"...No."

"Well, I'll show you the video once I help you with your computer."

"GREAT-"

"-Tomorrow." Dib prepared to hang up, but paused, a sly grin forming on his face. "Oh, and Zim?"

"What?"

"TWINSIES!" With that said, Dib promptly hung up the phone and quickly went back to bed.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. I've been REALLY lazy lately. Anyway, also I'm sorry for this not being as funny as I hoped. Well, I tried. :P**

**Yep, 23 is based on a true story. My grandpa got a ticket from a parking maid a few months back! And then 30... You guys need to watch "Shit Girls Say". XD it's on YouTube. WATCH IT NOW.**

**Suggest a word in your review and I might write a drabble about it for the next part. :D**

**Please review! :)**


	4. 31 through 40

**...**

**You're So Stupid**

**Part 4**

**...**

**31. Internet**

"Shit... Come on..." He typed in his password again.

"DENIED."

"Fuck!"

"Dude, chill out and try again."

Zim rolled his eyes. "Alright." He typed in his password once more.

"DENIED."

"FUCK!"

"Wow. You've been doing this for an hour and it's still denying you." Dib let out an amused chuckle. "I think you need a new password... And a brain to remember it..."

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

**32. Intelligence**

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!"

"What?"

"This can't be right!"

"What?" Dib repeated, annoyed.

"Why are you 25 and I'm only 55?" Zim stared at the item in his hand. "This can't be right! I AM ZIM! This is madness, Dib: MADNESS!"

"Dude, chill out, it's just a..." Dib trailed off, before grinning widely. "You know what? I'm only gonna do this once and just milk it."

"Milk what? You mean like a cow?"

Pause. "...No... Milk it, as in brag about it."

"Oh." Another pause. "Okay, go on with your cow analogy that makes no sense to me."

"The reason I'm at a 25 is because my head is big," Dib admitted proudly.

"The WORLD knows that, Dib-human, but what does that have to do with Brain Age?"

"Simple: It means my brain is big and that I'm smarter than you... So HAH!"

* * *

**33. Basket**

"I don't think this is safe..."

"That's why you're wearing a helmet," Dib explained. "Now GO!"

"Wha-?" Zim had no time to fully react as he felt two hands immediately press hard into his back, shoving him forward. The basket he sat in fell forward off the first step at the top, and at first the basket seemed to be sailing smoothly down the steps, but that relief only lasted three steps down before the basket tipped over and Zim's face met the rest of the steps.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"Oh shit..." Dib covered his mouth to stifle his laughter as he watched his alien friend tumble down the stairs, each step slamming into his green face.

Finally Zim came to a grinding halt at the bottom of the stairs, face bruised and throbbing. "Ow..." he moaned, face buried into the carpet at the bottom, relieved his face at least had something soft to land on after twelve hard whacks in the face. A pair of boots appeared before him, and, wearily, he glanced up at the owner of said boots.

Gaz seemed highly amused, having seen the whole incident. She stared at Zim, arching an eyebrow. "Wow. That was actually pretty entertaining..."

Dib took a break from his chucking to respond to his sister's comment. "I wish I had gotten that on tape..."

* * *

**34. Tak**

"It's rather frightening... I don't think we should sit near her..."

"Why?"

"_A woman's wrath is a man's grave_." Dib grinned. "I just made that up myself."

"She can't still be angry at me..."

"Well you did ruin her life."

"Yeah, but I'm not like that anymore..."

"Oh, I beg to differ: You still scream randomly, rant, and declare yourself in everything you do."

"Yes but I know I'm a defect now," Zim explained, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

"Well, at least you have the balls to admit it." _If aliens even have... balls..._ Dib shook his head, turning his attention toward the female at the table across from him and Zim, who poked at her untouched lunch tray. "She still hates you."

"Then why would she come back?"

"Gee, maybe because she wants to kill you?"

"If she wanted to kill me, she would have done it already." Zim stood up, immediately walking forward toward the lone female at the lunch table across from their table.

Dib only watched Zim go, shaking his head. "Poor, stupid Zim... He has no idea how women can be." Seeing as how he acts like one most of the time...

Act natural. Zim plastered a grin on his face as he came up beside the lone female at her table. "Hello, Tak-"

"GO AWAY." Tak replied bluntly, not even looking up from her lunch tray as she continued poking at the human food on it.

"Okay..." Zim didn't have to be told twice... Not like before, anyway, when it took five warnings. He knew the drill.

Zim quickly scurried back to the table he shared with Dib, who only greeted him with an amused smirk.

"So... How'd it go?"

Zim only glared at Dib as he sat down beside him. "How do you think it went?"

"_A woman's wrath is a man's grave,_" Dib repeated.

"... Shut up..."

* * *

**35. Nausea**

"...Ugh... This sucks..."

"What?" Munching on some cotton candy, Dib turned toward Zim, who was hunched over beside him.

"That ride..." the alien moaned out, clutching his stomach.

"Which one? I can't recall," Dib asked innocently.

"That spiny one that SPINS!"

"The spiny one that spins." Dib nodded once. "That narrows it down."

Despite the nauseation in the pit of his squeedly-spooch, Zim growled. "You know what I mean, Dib-stink. This is YOUR fault."

"Hey, can you blame me for liking spiny rides that spin?" Dib began walking away, with Zim attempting to follow.

"Never let the Dib-stink pick the rides..."

* * *

**36. Human**

"...You know, I'm starting to think you're becoming more and more human everyday..."

Zim scoffed. "Pfft. Yeah right. What's make you think that?"

"Hmmm... Maybe because you're reading US Weekly."

Zim lowered his glare. "You saw nothing, Dib-stink." He promptly continued reading, while Dib rolled his eyes and continued watching TV.

* * *

**38. YouTube Video 1:**

_Overly Attached Girlfriend_

The first Zim saw the girl appear on screen staring wide-eyed back at him with the Cheshire Cat grin, his own eyes widened. "Oh, this should be fun..."

_"Hey, I just saw you with that lady... Paid for her dinner... That's kinda shady."_

"Is she obsessed or something with this male she's talking about?" Zim asked, staring at the screen in confusion. "Cause I can't tell..."

"More like possessed," Dib scoffed, watching closely.

_"I'll make sure soon I'll be your wife, you'll be my kid's dad..."_

"Wait: WHAT?" The words came sputtering out of Zim's mouth in chuckles.

_"...You'll be my kids dad... You'll be my kids dad."_

Dib only lowered his head onto the desk table, uncomfortable by the song's lyrics.

The giggling from Zim stopped when the girl on screen stopped singing, the music still playing in the background. Her eyes still wide and that grin Zim found rather creepy. She seemed to be leaning in closer, her facial expression not changing.

Zim leaned back, a bit frightened. "What the...?"

"Just give it a sec," Dib replied, head still lying on the table.

Exactly one second later: _"Nigh, nigh!"_

Zim and Dib both burst out laughing.

* * *

**39. YouTube Video 2:**

_A Tobuscus Literal Trailer_

The next video that appeared seemed to be a trailer for a video game.

"Ooh, this looks interesting," Zim stated, leaning in.

_"...Target comes out of his shelter... He's distracted by a feather..."_

Zim burst out laughing, "He sure does seem to be distracted by that feather! Haha, the human singing is basically stating what is happening in the video."

_"He's like, 'shoot me'. He likes feathers."_

Dib turned, giving Zim a blank stare. "It took you a minute into the video to notice that?"

_"He looks up when he remembers... Ooh, I love birds!"_

The laughter from Zim came more hysterically when he heard that. "Who wrote these lyrics? They're GENIUS!"

_"Nod at the bird and people die. Everywhere people die."_

"I didn't know nodding at a bird could kill someone," Zim chuckled.

"You know, Gaz actually played this game but stopped halfway because of this video."

"Why? That would make me want to play it more!" Zim leaned in closer toward the screen. "I think I might want to buy this game."

_"...and Target's still fine. Target nods and some other guards that were hiding in pillars come out and then take their formation, then Target pulls out his sword, then goes to smell his sword (not sure why)..."_

Zim brought a gloved hand up to cover his mouth as he exploded with laughter once more.

_"...Mysterious hooded man joined by other hooded people. YOU'RE NEXT."_

Zim turned to Dib, still chuckling. "You hear that: YOU'RE NEXT."

"Shut up, Zim, this is the best part!"

"Oh!" Zim turned his attention back toward the screen. "My bad."

_"RUN-NING. RUUUUUUUNNING. SLOW MOTION JUMP ATTACK!"_

* * *

**40. YouTube Video 3:**

_Salad Fingers_

Zim's eyes widened a bit in confusion at the random bald green man with three long fingers on each hand who appeared on screen. A caption appeared beside the man that read, _'This is Salad Fingers'_.

"What the fuck is this?" Zim asked, not bothering to turn toward Dib, for this odd video spiked his curiosity in a weird way.

_"Hello. I like rusty spoons."_

"Okay, his voice is CREEPY." Zim leaned back, away from the screen. His eyes were still wide. "And why does he like spoons? And why is he touching it all softly like that? WHY? TELL ZIM!"

"I don't know! Probably some weird fetish or something," Dib retorted, not taking his eyes off the video. Now this video he hadn't seen yet; he just clicked on it randomly because the video icon made him curious.

_"...The feeling of rust... Against my salad fingers..."_

"He sounds like an old pedophile," Dib stated aloud, eyes wide.

_"...It's almost orgasmic..."_

"AH-HA!" Dib pointed a finger at the screen. "I was right: It IS a fetish!"

_"Hello there young child."_

"Oh no..." Zim moaned, "Creeper alert!"

"Run young child!" Dib shouted at the screen. "Don't let him in your house!"

_"I'm here to enquire about your rusty spoooons."_

"DON'T LET HIM IN THE HOUSE!" Zim shrieked.

The child on the video appeared terrified, much to Zim and Dib's relief.

_"...I see... Then I must leave..."_

"Yeah, you better leave!" Dib yelled, "Don't make me get my rape whistle out!"

"You have a rape whistle?"

"...Don't ask..."

_"...But first I'd like to caress this rusty kettle..."_

"Now that sounded pornographic..."

_A few minutes later..._

_"Today I'm having a little get-together, with my friends..."_

"Let me guess; They're spoons right?" Zim asked, but his guess was quickly dismissed on it's own when Salad Fingers held up one hand, each finger covered with a puppet. "Oh: Nope! Finger puppets. Very cleaver, Salad Fingers: VEEEERY cleaver."

_"Hello there chaps. Hubert Cumberdale... Marjory Stewart-Baxter... And this is Jeremy Fisher."_

Dib burst out laughing, "I like that Jeremy Fisher is the only normal name in that weird bunch."

_"Help me!"_

Zim noticed yet another child in the video who heard the not-so-terrified scream of Salad Fingers. "Oh Nooooo... That human child is going to-"

"-Be raped and dismembered by a creep who likes rusty spoons?" Dib nodded. "Yup, that sounds about right."

"NO, DON'T GO IN THE SHACK OR YOU'LL NEVER COME OUT!"

_"...I've got a fish cooking in the oven..."_

"He's gonna put the human in the oven!"

Zim gasped, "That weirdo! Always cooking up the children..."

_"...But I just can't reach it..."_

"Oh don't lie!" Dib scoffed, "You've got long-ass fingers! USE YOUR FINGERS, SALAD FINGERS!"

_The child in the video began to peer into the oven, ever so slowly._

_"It's right in the back... I can't thank you enough for..." Salad Fingers notices a rusty nail sticking out of the wall._

Dib raised an eyebrow. "I think he's gonna have an orgasm just looking at that rusty nail. That is the weirdest fetish I've ever heard of..."

_Suddenly Salad Fingers stabbed his finger on the rusty nail, bringing blood._

Zim's eyes widened. "Judging by the look on his face and that moan... He's probably enjoying the pain."

"He's having an obvious orgasm by a fucking rusty NAIL." Dib shook his head. "I mean WHAT. THE. FUCK?"

_Salad Fingers held up his bleeding finger. "I like it when the red water comes out... I like it when the... red water... comes out..." The screen turns white._

"OH SHIT! He's going all psychedelic on us!" Dib covered his mouth to keep from laughing.

"Cause he likes it when the red water comes out," Zim added, giggling a bit by the oddness of it all, despite how disturbed he felt by what he was watching.

_Salad Fingers is now standing in a meat fridge. With one of his fellow finger puppets. "Hubert Cumberdale... Fancy seeing you here..." In response, the puppet did a quick demented face and roar before going back to normal._

Zim jumped, startled. "What the fuck was that?"

_Salad Fingers comes back to reality. "I must have dozed off... That fish smells about done..."_

Dib burst out laughing when the oven, now smoking, appeared. The laughter started abruptly when he realized that the kid from earlier was probably in there. "Ahhh... It smells like burning children."

The video ended.

Zim turned toward Dib with wide eyes. "Now I've seen some weird shit in my life... but that was just fucking disturbing."

* * *

**A/N: Okay, blame the last 3 on a video series on YouTube called "Teens React". The three videos Zim and Dib watch ARE IN FACT REAL. And I've seen them. Salad Fingers is the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. XD**

**Not much to say. :P Except please review!**


End file.
